A NOTE FROM DOOGIE: I do not endorse Mr. Turetsky's comments, nor do I agree with him about this movie. In my opinion, this movie is one of the biggest pieces of horsey poopie that Hollywood has spewed onto the screen in recent history. So please keep this in mind while you read this review and remember: A chubby little French guy made it. 'Nuff said.

Finally, a movie we've all been waiting for: one based on the amazing element called Boron. Don't get me wrong, this movie has an atomic weight of ten-point-eight-FUN!

The movie starts off in Egypt in the earlier part of the century. Luke Perry and some Italian guy who reminds me of my geology teacher from high school are about to make the most amazing discovery of our time, when this priest comes along to poison them (gotta love the priesthood). Before he gets a chance, though, some aliens come along and finish the job for him. Turns out he's some sorta new-age priest who believes in an alien elemental cult. I'm sure they throw great bar mitzvahs.

Anyhoo, the movie then flashes forward to New York in about 300 years. New York, it seems, is the capital of the universe at this point in time. Nothing much has changed, though. Even though this city has become a complete knockoff of Blade Runner, cabbies are still rampant, cops are still complete pigs who spend most of their time at the local McDonald's (where the waitresses wear oh-so-revealing uniforms), and the Knicks still haven't managed to get it together in the final round of the NBA playoffs. I HATE that.

Where was I? Oh yes. Something about evil coming to the Earth, and Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich, and Ian Holm are trying to save the world. In fact, the plot isn't explained in any more detail than that. They just say "it's evil" and "we're on a quest to save the world."

Who needs plot, however, when the movie is such a visual and aural treat? First of all, the costumes are amazing, from Milla Jovovich's very revealing bandage suit to Chris Tucker's drag queen getup. Is it just me, or is there something mildly disturbing about a black guy with bleached hair, an annoyingly high-pitched voice, and dressed like a woman signing autographs for a bunch of Japanese school girls? I think Luc Besson, the writer and director of this movie, has a few issues.

The biggest treat of this movie, though, comes not in the wild visuals, but in the presence of Gary Oldman. This man can do no wrong. Even as a limping gun-runner with a speech impediment and an extremely bad combover, he seems to convey the inner turmoil of man. Hell, what am I talking about? This guy is just plain evil, and he shows it. When a group of crewmembers on a space-boat warn him there's a bomb about to go off, he calmly mows them down with machine gun fire and says "I know." COOL!

The music in this movie was done by Eric Serra, the same man responsible for the porn-style soundtrack to Goldeneye. He's put to good use, here, as his repetitive slow techno beats work well with Besson's directing. About the directing: this movie is French. Very French. You won't hear people speaking French, or wearing berets talking about nihilism, but you will see extreme overacting and odd closeups. Take it all in stride, though. After all, this is the future, so everybody's doing speed at this point in time, right? Listening to the spanish track of the DVD I reviewed this movie on only adds to the surrealism of this movie. It must be seen to be believed.

I must hand it to Besson. He's delivered an excellent film. The movie's got a simple, understandable story, used as a vehicle to deliver some spectacular visual effects (like the effect on all the men who catch glimpses on Milla Jovovich half-naked... wowza... no wonder Besson's got a thing for her...), making this movie a delightful romp.

I gave this movie 5 yaks, for Gary Oldman, Milla Jovovich naked, Eric Serra's Music, a blond Bruce Willis, and the overt Frenchness. Hats off to the Fifth Element.